Machiavelli Revisted

Niccolo Machiavelli, when asked 500 years ago whether it was better for a leader to be loved or feared, hedged a bit saying “one should wish to be both.”

He then went on to say “because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved.”

If we fast-forward to the latest findings in behavioral science, we discover that the best way to influence (and thus to lead) is to begin with warmth.

When we convey warmth first, we build trust and connection.

When others trust us, they are much more likely to be open to our ideas, and not just at a superficial level.

When others are comfortable with us, and feel validated by us, we increase the likelihood their own attitudes and beliefs will align with ours.

This alignment leads to long-term support and buy-in, which is, after all, what influence is all about.

Taking the time to share personal stories, to acknowledge the concerns and fears of others and to communicate in an authentic and supportive way warms people up and prepares them to consider our ideas and perspectives.

Princeton social psychologist Alex Todorov studied the “snap judgments” that people make when looking at faces.

His research shows that people consistently pick up on warmth faster than on competency (or strengths).

And yet, many of us begin a new relationship or attempt to persuade someone else by demonstrating our competencies first.

This is often because we like to think of ourselves as being strong and want others to see us this way as well.

There are serious risks associated with leaders projecting strength before warmth.

Colleagues may become fearful and disengaged, or they may only feign support publicly while never committing privately to a new idea or program.

For most people, what they think of us as individuals is more important, and must precede, what they think of our message.

Machiavelli knew the importance of both warmth and strength.

Merging his insights with the latest science surrounding influence brings home the importance of making a solid connection with people before trying to lead them.